The intuition guided me for month already and weird currents connected me with everything corresponding to Saturn powers. Slowly, I set up the ingredients and ideas into motion. So two weeks ago, I performed a Saturday Saturn ritual where I used its powers to detach from influences that where too much holding on me. I wanted pesky currents that made its impact on my health state and my current destiny to stop its parasitic work on my being.  Used candle, herbal, and sigil magick with outlines of main ritual, everything else popped in intuitively. After afternoon preparation I waited to be alone in the evening, around 08:00 PM I started on my altar:

- Lighted candles and incense, positioned representations of fifth-element (organic items, from coral, coal, jet, amber to bones, shells..)

- Created magick circle evoking powers of four elements.

- Recited personal prayers of protection and powers.

- Used the sigils , burned herbs, meditated

- Opened circle to universe, and picked everything in a little Saturn signed bottle which now lays on my altar.

I was enjoying the ritual while I sensed a not so strong, but darker presence. Hmm how to explain - I felt this fear, but didn’t let it take over me. I’m not fearless but I’m not a chicken too. I just left this feeling circle inside me while saying : “Ohhh, okay… tonight I’m gonna dream wild!” 

SHAMELESS STATEMENT: *had also self-sex after ritual.*

Isn’t it funny that after feeling something in house I go have sex with myself. I blame PAN evocation inside my power prayer, yee-hawww. Masterbateeer Chief Pan <3 


In the dream I was a little child sitting in a big bed with white blankets in a shaded room with big glass windows. Outside was autumn or winter and really gray weather. In distance people were chopping wood and delivering it to the houses and one stone castle. I knew I lived in this house with my grandma.  Then that presence and fear came back!

I could see in a small lit room, a foggy dark presence sitting on couch. It changed shapes between dark fog and arrogant looking woman smoking a cigarette. I felt her animal soul, she was a fox. She was so full of herself that it was disgusting, I knew she steals kids, torture them. I couldn’t move in my bed and started yelling at her : 

"Go away!"

"We’ve gonna see about that.If you try to expel me I’m gonna torture your grandma too."

"You’re not going to touch my grandma" : ironically, I started a  christian prayer line: "In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. " : now I got full of myself, I shouted : "Hah, and THAT is for YOU!!!"

That had such a great impact. She screamed and ran across the bedroom hitting the next wall. It was such a crash I woke up in the silence of my room looking at the hallway. With echos of that crash. It was like dream ended in this reality too. 

Crash sounded like a body slammed toward wall with 100km/h, woody, icky, strong, deep, had everything in that.

I was still frozen in my bed. Got my body to move and with my will raised hand and draw three pentagrams in air toward hallway. I turned my fear into commanding rage.

Half n hour I felt nothing in house, everything was peaceful. I started thinking about interracial sex. As usual.  Went to sleep. 

My own pathology says that thing was part of the birth curse my grandma used to talk. Saturn ritual helped to confront  that.

I must admit, my life turned for better this days. So I’m trying to make the most out of it. Being grateful on small amusing things :) and delicious interracial sex.


Good night


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